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  • Writer's pictureEnakeno Oju

Dealing With Pain

Updated: Aug 24, 2022

Everyone goes through one pain or the other at some point in life. No matter how careful you are, how intelligent, how nice, whatever, you will experience some form of pain or the other.

Pain is Inevitable

Everyone goes through one pain or the other at some point in life. Pain is inevitable! No matter how careful you are, how intelligent, how nice, whatever, you will experience some form of pain or the other. As a matter of fact, the more enlightened you are the bigger the pain. But the good news is, our greatest growth comes from the greatest pain. It’s as if the pain comes to point you in another direction that you’ve never dreamt of. Other times pain refines your character as a human being and puts you in a position to empathize with others who have suffered a similar fate and those who will be at this same place sometime in the future. Without pain, we are not complete.

But how do you deal with your pain? Do you let it consume you and let your work here suffer or do you employ productive means to deal with the pain?

In the past, I'd enter into new relationships, spend time with friends, sleep off, engage in different non-progressive avoid pain mostly caused by disappointments, loss, breakups... Other times I'd ‎start a new project...especially after a break-up which I found very fulfilling.

How I began to fully deal with pain differently

In 2015 I read Goals by Brian Tracy, I understood from the book I had to sow into every day in order to reap results every day. Now, these results might not be big results but when these small results are accumulated ‎they become big. I began the journey and from that day up until now, I don’t waste my days. I ask myself every morning what I am going to sow into that day so whether in pain or not I force myself to take action because I know if I did nothing I’d wasted that day - 0 action = zero results. So if I’m expecting a reaction I’ve to give an action. The reaction I expect determines what I sow. Thus this influenced the areas I sow.

Another book that changed the trajectory of my life was End Game then Seduction Community Sucks... This was in 2016. I stumbled upon them on the internet while I was fleeing from a certain pain that shook my inner core...both books are by Leigh Louey Logun. In those two books, Logun teaches you how to live life on your own terms. How to become attractive and irresistible. Logun takes your attention from living life to please the opposite sex or anyone to you. You understand it's all about you. You just have to do things to please “you”. And Logun details how you can create the life of your dreams that is attractive to you.

From reading these books I began to create my life the way I wanted it to be. I began to make my life more interesting. Logun asks, what kind of stories do you want people to tell about you, do you want to hear about yourself? Now when you identify them, start creating that life. In essence, you create your life story - you own the script; and you are the writer of this script, the director and the hero at the same time. If you create something interesting your life would be interesting; if your script is boring your life would be boring as well and you won’t be attractive to yourself or anyone important.

Thus the revelations from these books shaped what I sow into on a daily basis.

As I began to create the life of my dreams, I became extremely busy as one action led to another action, and another and another and another. It's like a chain reaction. From that moment, I didn't have to look to people for happiness anymore, I didn't have to enter into relationships or engage in mundane activities to flee from myself anymore. Again, I got delivered from people pleasing and expecting anything from anyone.

Lessons from these three books ‎changed everything for me. I became more objective with setting goals and achieving those goals as well as engaging in productive projects and activities to deal with pain. I learned to create the blueprint I want for my life - it’s constantly updated to bring in more interesting things and take out what will no longer work.

On a daily basis, I meet with challenges and disappointments, but rather than drench in my pain, I move forward. I ask what is the next right move, this is not possible, so what is possible, what else is? And as I began to take these decisions, I noticed something, I learn more, I understand situations better, in a nutshell, I began to evolve into a highly resourceful and attractive person.

I don't have the right words to articulate this but being busy makes you attractive. Doing productive things makes you interesting and draw people to you that will translate to other productive ventures and rewards.

However, I must confess to you that this path doesn't mean ‎you won't get disappointments and setbacks anymore, as a matter of fact, you will have more now but...

Disappointments and setbacks no longer affect me the way they used to anymore. This is possible because I'm always looking to what is next and I've other interesting projects and pending work that need my attention. Hence no time to brood.

When in difficulty or in pain, ‎I look for the lessons to learn from the situation and see how those lessons can help me become a better me and how I can help others in the same situation.

Now, notice how I didn’t mention the kind of activities I engage in, this is because I’m different and what works for me may not work for you. You are unique and you will have your unique goals, objectives and activities that will work for you based on your life’s script - easy, what kind of stories do you want to hear being told about you -identify those things, activities and so on you want to hear about you and start doing them.

However, I strongly recommend exercising - this one is universal. Exercise for your health and to let out steam. Run or go for long walks - this will help you a lot.

What pain are you suffering from?

What pain are you dealing with today?

What pain are you running away from?

What are you doing about your pain?

What productive steps are you taking to deal with your pain?

How can the lessons from your pain help others?

Steps to take in dealing with pain

We need to be aware of the pain. Is it frightful, shameful; are you afraid you won't measure up… Deliberately develop awareness of those things you fear that you run away from. When we do this our response to these things we are afraid of begins‎ to change.

  1. Accept you are in pain.

  2. Process ‎the pain.

  3. Ask what lessons am I to learn from this?‎ If you miss the lessons, the pain will be back and with each cycle that you repeat the class, it hits you harder.

  4. Engage in productive activities as you process the pain.

  5. Decide to use your pain for good. Use the lessons from the pain to help others.

Next time you are tempted to run away from pain by engaging in unproductive activities, remember that, pushing feelings into the background gets rid of them for a while, but repression isn’t a long-term solution. And deep down you know that. deal with the issues that have come up once and for all. It might not be pleasant, but finally unburdening yourself of lingering grief and heartache will help you get back on the right path.

If this post was useful to you, please give it a thumbs-up, and if you think of anyone who can benefit from it as well, please share with them.

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